So, what are the benefits of parenting? The most obvious are the emotional ones. These are hard to quantify, of course, but are certainly detectable in polling.

A new survey by the Institute for Family Studies, for example, found that mothers, particularly married mothers, are more likely than non-parents to report that they are “very happy.” Both married moms and unmarried moms were much more likely than women without children to report that their life has a “clear sense of purpose.” The survey’s authors concluded: “Despite the challenges associated with family life for women—including more stress and less time for oneself—there is no question that marriage and motherhood are linked to greater female flourishing on many other fronts.” Similarly, the regret rate for having children is remarkably low; very few people with children would not have had kids if they had the chance to do things over again. As psychologist Paul Bloom writes, “[t]he love we usually have toward our children means that our choice to have them has value above and beyond whatever effect they have on our happiness and meaning.” //

According to one study of 200,000 men and women in 86 countries, “mothers and fathers over 50 are generally happier than their childless peers, no matter how numerous their offspring.” In other words, children may be a long-term investment in happiness. Putting in the work to nurture a young baby pays off in middle and old age, as proud parents watch their adult children launch careers, have children of their own, and reunite around the family table for Thanksgiving.

At the margins, parenting can come with truly tremendous costs. In the book Better than OK: Finding Joy as a Special Needs Parent, Kelly Mantoan writes about the challenges of homeschooling five children, two of whom have a severe degenerative disorder that requires around-the-clock, hands-on care. Yet Mantoan writes that, through accepting her children’s diagnoses, “I am a stronger, more humble, sacrificial, and faith-filled person than I was before I started this journey.”. //

This is one of the most powerful paradoxes of parenting: the costs and the benefits are two sides of the same coin.