BREAKING NEWS: Spain and Portugal Celebrate Historic Achievement: First Renewable Blackout Festival™ a Roaring Success
In a stunning victory for progress, major cities across Spain and Portugal plunged into darkness today… a bold, equity-driven milestone being hailed by experts as “a necessary recalibration of oppressive light privilege.”
Government officials, cloaked in the safety of candlelit diversity councils, were quick to assure citizens that the blackouts had absolutely nothing to do with their relentless obsession with renewables, socialism, or Marxist energy redistribution initiatives.
Instead, they blamed “unexpected atmospheric challenges”… otherwise known as night time.
“This is what success looks like,” declared Iberian Minister for Sustainable Equality™, Juanita de Powerless. “Zero emissions. Zero industry. Zero functioning infrastructure. Welcome to Net Zero: where zero means zero.”
Sources confirm that during the outage, critical DEI teams remained operational… bravely identifying which marginalized communities were being most equitably electrocuted when traffic lights failed.
“True social justice,” noted one Gender Energy Equity™ analyst, “is making sure everyone gets hit by a bus equally.”
Meanwhile, local media proudly reported that while trains, phones, and emergency services collapsed, Spain’s Ministry of Feelings achieved its monthly KPI by holding an inclusive brainstorming session on how to decolonize electricity.
Critics foolishly tried to link the blackouts to decades of grid neglect, mass immigration-fueled demand surges, solar panels that don’t work in the dark, and a population conditioned to think work ethic is colonial violence™… but were quickly fact-checked by experts who graduated with double majors in Critical Energy Studies and Queer Wind Turbine Maintenance.
As night fell over the silent streets of Madrid, citizens were reminded that “decarbonisation” is not just an economic transition… it’s a spiritual journey… into medieval living.
Welcome to the future. Hope you brought a torch… and a towel.
