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The advent of a Cheech and Chong society has created a new problem for police departments: how to sort out legal marijuana enterprises from illegal ones. It isn't always that easy to tell weed that has been thoroughly taxed from the libertarian, free market variety; see California police hand deliver $800K worth of cannabis to distributor after illegal raid (nypost.com). //
OFFICER FRANCO compared the power usage of the TARGET PREMISES to nearby businesses and found it significantly higher.
OFFICER FRANCO, therefore, concluded that the TARGET PREMISES was cultivating cannabis, disregarding the fact that it is a diagnostic facility utilizing an MRI machine, X ray machine, and other heavy medical equipment—unlike the surrounding businesses selling flowers, chocolates, and childrens’ merchandise, none of which would require significant power usage. //
Raiding the NoHo offices near closing time, the SWAT team found pretty much what they would have expected to find if they had ever checked with city licensing agencies: a single employee and an X-ray and MRI machine. They detained the employee and proceeded to rummage through offices that obviously did not contain either marijuana plants or processing equipment.
Considering the search yielded no live cannabis plants or any other contraband, and the detained employee had already been released, it was evident—or should have been—that any further action taken by the LAPD Officers would exceed the scope of the search warrant.
- However, some LAPD Officers continued to roam freely throughout the TARGET PREMISES, casually engaging in conversation with one another. The whole operation was nothing short of a disorganized circus, with no apparent rules, procedures, or even a hint of coordination. //
Said LAPD officer, dangling a rifle in his right hand, with an unsecured strap, approached the MRI Office, glanced at the large warning sign on the door, reopened the door with his left hand and proceeded inside.
Expectedly, the magnetic force of the MRI machine attracted the LAPD Officer's loose rifle, securing it to the machine.
Wait, it gets better. With one SWAT team member's firearm welded to the MRI machine, our heroes search for a way out. They can't ask for help because the detained employee is a potential drug kingpin, and they don't want to look stupid, but mostly because they don't want to look stupid.
The MRI machine was equipped with a sealed emergency pull button labeled, "Caution, Emergency Use Only." This button was intended to be activated solely in the event of a genuine emergency, such as a health risk to a patient inside the machine, a fire, or an evacuation situation.
Rather than seeking assistance from the on-site employee, or waiting for the manager’s arrival, one of the LAPD Officers made the unilateral decision to break the seal and activate the emergency shutdown button, deactivating the MRI machine.
What could go wrong?
- This action caused the MRI's magnet to rapidly lose superconductivity, leading to the evaporation of approximately 2000 liters of helium gas and resulting in extensive damage to the MRI machine.
We still haven't achieved Humiliationmax.
- The LAPD Officer then grabbed his rifle, this time wearing the strap over his shoulder as he should have when he entered the MRI room, and proceeded to walk toward the entrance, leaving the magazine full of bullets on the floor of the MRI office. //
Anyway, the owner of NoHo Diagnostics is suing the LAPD for a violation of the Fourth Amendment, which would be misleading the magistrate about the nature of NoHo Diagnostics's business. It is suing the now-retired police chief Michael Moore for "willful, wanton, malicious, and done with a reckless disregard for the rights of Plaintiffs," and it is suing the city and all twenty officers involved in this fiasco for negligence. //
flatlander 2 minutes ago
Whatever happened to just making a phone call or simply visiting the building? How about checking with city hall to find out how the business is registered? Why does everything have to be so dramatic?
stickdude90 37 minutes ago
So at no point during the planning of this raid did anyone think to actually visit the business first?
Calling them Keystone Kops would be an insult to true Keystone Kops.
